Selbstüberwindung

I have returned.

Carefully.

Steadily.

And slowly.

Do not mistake my pace. 

~

My feelings are not shared by others in the manner I originally thought.

At the time I recognised this… 

The pen paused…

The ink waited…

And I…

hesitated.

~

A relationship exists between me and experience.

I return to it.

I return to instinct. 

~

The value I give to instinct may become evident. 

At most it requires understanding, careful attention, and the ability to listen fully.

At minimum it asks for respect, devotion, and the willingness to understand.

~

Much like language becomes refined by attention; relationships become forged by what they meet.

Time may refine.

Honesty may clarify.

Presence may intensify.

These are things my instinct must meet.

~

I do my best to listen, learn, and take action.

Not because it is demanded of me; but because I care.

~

When truth approaches me I notice a shift.

Knowing where the shift occurs has become an essential practice.

Not required, but instinctually desired.

~

What I resist gives information and orientation, so I do not define it prematurely. 

Let me clarify.

To define is not a danger, but it can become dangerous.

I risk my sovereignty when I define carelessly. 

Language plays a role here.

Not to capture it completely but to give it form — just enough to be returned to.

~

There was a time I foolishly defined hesitation as fear without understanding the separation.

Contrary to plan I realised the catastrophe of my assumption.

They may relate… but they are not the same.

~

I met a male with dark eyes and named hesitation fear.

I witnessed a female careless with her actions and placed hesitation within fear itself.

I practiced silence when I was expected to speak and called it fear.

But this was my mistake.

When I met the male with dark eyes I recognised courage.

When I witnessed the female careless with her action I felt indignation. 

And when I practiced silence some time ago, I was preserving my power. 

~

Much of my instinct to define was impulsion — A force to extinguish my discomfort.

~

For years I latched myself to coffee.

Giving it authority… giving it expression… and at times allowing it to direct my life.

~

Strength of character cannot fully mature when discomfort is continually avoided.

~

Do not mistake me.

Coffee is not weak.

The impulse to remove discomfort reveals a lack of endurability.

Not all discomfort requires necessary adjustment.

Often it asks for presence — an ability to remain within the experience long enough to integrate.

~

Much of my impulsivity to define originated from instinct.

And some originated as premature reasoning. 

Ignorant as I can be… I listened frequently, not carelessly.

~

What informs need not define.

What becomes known need not be concluded.

What I encounter need not be possessed.

And yet… I experienced an instinct to possess some time ago. 

~

…. to be continued.

Notes from the author: you may message me at jessicafrantz@digitalservicesworldwide.world